Like or Pass?

You should message Damien if: You think money can buy love. He spends $50.00 on his coworkers’s birthdays, imagine how much he can spend on you.

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Damien is Number One Alright

Bourbonnais, Illinois narcissist and fedora-sporting neckbeard Damien Hurlbutt, nortorious for writing his lunacy letters, posted this new picture to his dating ad on Tindling. What do you think?

She’s A Mad, Mad, Woman

Meet Madeline “Madwoman” Topolla-Teirant, wife of CRASS Accounting Chief Konrad “Kon Man” Teirant and mother to his kids. Madeline met Konrad while drafting up his real estate deeds to ensure no other multiplexes can come to Kankakee. Human Resources Manager and Chief of Security at a low income housing complex, Madeline has a reputation for … Continue reading She’s A Mad, Mad, Woman

Smokey Gets Smoked

“Man, I am bored.” Smokey says aloud as she smokes in bed. Smokey has been an unhappy lot, unemployed from her CRASS debt collecting job. Smokey hears a loud pound on the door. She has been expecting a package, so she answers. “Kankakee County Sherriff. Is this Mrs. Ashe?” “Yes. Who dis?” “I am here … Continue reading Smokey Gets Smoked

Damien Goes Postal

“It’s hotter than a boiled owl!” Damien says aloud, as he heads down the stairs to get his mail. “Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I got my postcards off CBay. I bought over 200 from this guy, one at a time. What a great seller!” A lady across the way gives Damien the side … Continue reading Damien Goes Postal

Damien’s High Fashion

Damien Hurlbutt took this photo of his feet to put on his OKStupid dating ad, because he thinks it will really impress the single ladies out there. Damien thinks he his feet are really impressive. Damien feels he is a foot expert, as he really likes feet and looks at a lot of them. He … Continue reading Damien’s High Fashion

Droning it In

Doris and Keona Krabalsky need to try a new marketing tactic to sell their pyramid schemes. They call up local yokel Robbie Hurlbutt, known for his mediocre-at-best Elvis impersonation act. “Sorry babe, I am booked solid this month. I am making love to the audience every night this month.” “Get lost, Robert.” Doris disconnects her … Continue reading Droning it In