Konrad Cooks the Books

“Get back in the kitchen, this pot is about to boil over!” Madeline Topolla-Teirant calls out to her husband, Konrad who is reading the CRASS company ledger in the bathoom. Kon washes his hands, flicks the water on the floor (a trick he learned from Teirant Cinema-13 clerk Damien Hurlbutt) and struts into the kitchen. … Continue reading Konrad Cooks the Books

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Damien is a Beauty, Alright

“Oh boy. Ooh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I am going to win this contest!” Damien thinks out loud as he shakes off his just-washed hands on the men’s room floor. “Who are you talking to?” a theater customer asks? “Oh nothing, nothing.” Damien insists and walks back to the ticket counter and reads his … Continue reading Damien is a Beauty, Alright

MHA – Moronic Half Assets

Join Kankakee's newest Vaudeville act, MHA - Moronic Half Assets, across the USA! Kankakee theatre owner and comedian Konrad Teirant joins his mad clown wife, Madeline, in Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt's clownmobile as they tour the country! See them before they leave their stop in Utica, New York! MHA's tour dates: Champaign, IL: February 30 … Continue reading MHA – Moronic Half Assets

Damien Goes Postal

“It’s hotter than a boiled owl!” Damien says aloud, as he heads down the stairs to get his mail. “Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I got my postcards off CBay. I bought over 200 from this guy, one at a time. What a great seller!” A lady across the way gives Damien the side … Continue reading Damien Goes Postal

Droning it In

Doris and Keona Krabalsky need to try a new marketing tactic to sell their pyramid schemes. They call up local yokel Robbie Hurlbutt, known for his mediocre-at-best Elvis impersonation act. “Sorry babe, I am booked solid this month. I am making love to the audience every night this month.” “Get lost, Robert.” Doris disconnects her … Continue reading Droning it In

Robbie’s New Concert Poster

Since attendance has been declining at Robbie Hurlbutt's Elvis impersonation shows, he discovered a new marketing tactic: bribery. Why not give away free Kool-Aid to all fans in attendance? After all, the Kool-Aid Wacky Warehouse was located in Kankakee! Robbie thinks it is his best idea yet. Don't drink the Kool-Aid...