"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Home Shopping Channel is about to show a whole hour of carpeting! I get to watch m'ladies walk on them BAREFOOT!" Damien exclaims, drools.
Sybil Kibble got excited to see these dog bowls full of food samples. However her heart sunk when she learned they were full of human food.
Local yokel and poor Elvis impersonator Robbie Hurlbutt has a huge crush on Gothic Diana, lead singer from Kankakee County band The Midnight Supremes. Robbie stalks Diana on Fakebook and Utube, telling her she is the best diva on earth and she can be the boss of him anytime. Do you think Diana is impressed?
Coming soon to Brandon's Imbecile Machines: Imbecile Tractors! Brandon Dixon wants to add a lawn and garden division to his Imbecile Machine shop in Kankakee. What do you think? (photo from https://www.wideopencountry.com/30-tricked-tractors-defy-practicality/)
“Get back in the kitchen, this pot is about to boil over!” Madeline Topolla-Teirant calls out to her husband, Konrad who is reading the CRASS company ledger in the bathoom. Kon washes his hands, flicks the water on the floor (a trick he learned from Teirant Cinema-13 clerk Damien Hurlbutt) and struts into the kitchen. … Continue reading Konrad Cooks the Books
“Oh boy. Ooh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I am going to win this contest!” Damien thinks out loud as he shakes off his just-washed hands on the men’s room floor. “Who are you talking to?” a theater customer asks? “Oh nothing, nothing.” Damien insists and walks back to the ticket counter and reads his … Continue reading Damien is a Beauty, Alright
“We need to increase our bottom line,” CRASS CEO Mack E. Avelli tells his entire staff in the board room. “Size matters.” Laughter fills the entire room. “Our budget is only so big and we need to increase our revenue to exceed expenses. We could only give so much to the Optimal Club last year … Continue reading I Wanna Speak To The Manager
Like a lit fart!!!
Sybil Kibble just discovered her new favorite rapper, right here in Kankakee! If only she was as cool as him... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O5VwCwKAEw