“I’m With Stupid” reads the graphic tee Leona Krabalsky wears to the Kankakee job fair. She along with her younger sister, Doris, are busy manning their booth. “I hope we sell truckloads of these here essential snake oils, you oily mama!” Leona slyly says as she slaps her sister on the arm. “I hope we … Continue reading I Do Not Like Spam
Damien Hurlbutt, movie clerk for Teirant Cinema-13, stars in their new TV commercial. Can you feel his enthusiasm? "I know." -- Damien.
Damien Hurlbutt went off the deep end when his then-wife, Lori, stopped tolerating his verbal abuse and left him. He sent this letter to her psychologist and her psychiatrist. The latter provider called it a "lunacy letter." The former said she had never seen anything like it in all her years practicing. Who makes up … Continue reading Lunacy Letter From Damien
Clio Bersola, best friend of Bourbannais bachelor Damien Hurlbutt’s verbally abused ex-wife, spots his posts in the “Nice Guys Looking For The Finish Line” Men’s Rights Activist (MRA) themed group on Fakebook, under her secret account JK Corona. She messages him just to mess with him, and fake-agrees with him over IM on so many … Continue reading Revenge is Served
“La di da di daaaaa...” Sybil sings poorly as she logs off the autodialer. She has racked up yet another commission and is in a great mood. “Are you going to help out in the Guys N Gals auction, Sybil?” Clio asks as she hands Ms. Kibble a flyer. “What’s that about, Clio?” Sybil asks. … Continue reading Sybil Auctions Herself Off
Wannabe-goth Robbie Hurlbutt puts on his best moves for the upcoming Gothic Diana Ross and the Midnight Supremes concert. What do you think?
From: “Damien U. Hurlbutt” [ConnivingPimp@hautemail.con] To: firstname.lastname@example.org CC: “Robbie R. G. Hurlbutt” [Hoopstar@yoohoo.calm] BCC: “Mom” [PJHurlbutt@fmail.kon] Subject: Ohhh Yeah! Check out this new thing I discovered in my new Blunter Image catalog, Jock Straps for Women! I may never wear them, but I gotta buy ‘em! Whaddaya think, babe? I mailed in my $50 check, … Continue reading Damien Tries His Mail-Order Bride Again. Will it Work?
“Oh man, I want to see the new movie Aim High but the tickets are all sold out. It opens this Friday, you know, the one based on the newest Nora Roberts book?” Dorian James rambles. “Never heard of it.” Sybil tells Dorian in the CRASS cafeteria as she crunches down her dog biscuits. “I … Continue reading Aim High
It’s a sunny day in Kankakee and Sybil is out for a walk. Sybil is strolling to the beat of auto-tuned mumble-country in her earbuds, when she spots a green cloth bag with a dollar sign on it lying on the ground near the Last National Bank of Kankakee County. “Hmmm, what should I do?” Sybil … Continue reading Shop Till You Drop, Sybil!
CRASS Debt Collector all by his lonesome in his Kankakee apartment.