Doris and Keona Krabalsky need to try a new marketing tactic to sell their pyramid schemes.
They call up local yokel Robbie Hurlbutt, known for his mediocre-at-best Elvis impersonation act.
“Sorry babe, I am booked solid this month. I am making love to the audience every night this month.”
“Get lost, Robert.” Doris disconnects her phone.
“Maybe we can contact Smokey Ashe to teach us how to make smoke signals with her cigarette collection. I am certain she needs the dough now that she has been fired from CRASS for smoking at work.”
“Too stinky, Leona. I give a hoot and don’t wanna pollute.”
Doris spies a small drone in the clearance aisle at a shop the strip mall on the main drag in Bourbannais. “Ah-ha! Perfect.”
Doris heads home to her apartment, where Leona is in the kitchen washing dishes.
“What dumb, new fangled you bring home now?”
“Hey look, Leona! I bought this drone.”
“Have you seen one of these before?”
Leona gives Doris the side-eye, hands on her hips.
“I came up with a great marketing idea for our business opportunities. We can attack Kankakee County with flyers, drone style! All we have to do is take these flyers we got from our upline leaders, attach them to the drones, fly them over town and let them loose! These opportunities will sell themselves!”
“Meet me at the bridge, Doris and we will launch our new venture!” Leona jumps up and exclaims.
Doris leaves her Kankakee apartment to meet her sister Leona at her home, the I-57 bridge underpass near Exit 315.
“I think this idea will really fly!” Doris tells Leona, drone in hand. Leona attaches the PryMerica brochures to the bottom of the drone. Off it goes.
Doris flies the drone and drops PryMerica business opportunities all over Kankakee County. Leona and Doris share memories of letting balloons go as kids in school, wondering where they went.
“Think of all the mail, Leona, all the money. All the people we can serve I mean sell to.”
“Serve ourselves,” Leona quips. They share a laugh, and part ways.
Doris comes home to an answering machine full of messages. Could this be the moneymaker she has been hoping for?
“Oh dear, it is clouding up. I need to close the windows.”
Doris closes all her windows and checks her answering machine, landline first.
“Beep. Um hi. I need you to come pick up this mess you left on my lawn. I found a pile of brochures with your number on it. Please come right away. Thanks.”
“Not a chance.” Doris giggles and pushes “next.”
“Beeep. Yeah, thanks for the kindling. You dropped it straight on my lawn. I am calling to say thanks…your number is printed right on it! I have enough for the end of the year to put in my fireplace. Thanks again, Doris!”
Doris growls and hits “next”.
“Hi. This is Mack. What are you wearing?”
Doris smashes the “next” button.
After clearing all her messages, Doris’ phone will not stop ringing. Not a single person shows an interest in buying her business opportunities to sell to friends. Doris pulls the plug on her phone.
Thankfully, she did not give out her mobile number…or did she? Oops.