When Smokey Stinks

“Man, that cigarette smoke smells like horse manure! I am getting sick to my stomach!” How does she get away with it? I keep reporting Smokey Ashe to security and she keeps on smoking in her cubicle. I feel like I am going to heave!” an upset CRASS, LLC bill collector Dale Davis tells his team leader, Sybil Kibble.

“There is nothing I can do. I do not want to get in the middle.” Sybil tells Dale.

Dale tromps over angrily to Smokey’s workstation.

“Smokey, why don’t you go outside and smoke? The smell is making me sick!” Dale yells at Smokey.

“What are you going to do about it?” Smokey snarkily asks.

“Just go outside with that crap.”

“Let’s take it outside. I will fight you now.”

“Grow up. You are so childish. I am calling security to report your threats.” Dale tells Smokey.

Dale calls Low Cost Security, or L-C, CRASS’s security contractor to report Smokey’s threats. Of course, his call goes straight to voicemail. Dale leaves a detailed message.

Dale never gets a return call so he heads to Mikey Philips, Building Manager.

“Yes?”

“I need help with something important.” Dale tells Mike Philips.

“I am very busy.”

I need to report a security violation.

“Did you call security?” Mike asks, nose buried in his PC.

“Yes, call went to voicemail. Smokey Ashe threatened me after I asked her to stop smoking inside.”

“Nothing I can do.”

“So what are you going to about Ms. Ashe smoking in her cube? It is making me physically ill.” Dale asks.

“I see nothing in the security logs from L-C.”

Mikey moves the Queen of Hearts to the top pile. “I am winning!” he says with a grin.

“What?”

“Oh, I am using my peripheral dexterity enhancement tool. This on the job training application is designed specially for the mouse,” Mikey explains.

“Uh-huh.”

Smokey butts into Mikey’s office. “Are you coming to the baby shower?” Smokey asks with a grin.

“No, I have a sock drawer to rearrange.”

“Dale, my handsome buddy?” Smokey places her hand on his shoulder.

“No, I have to go home and clip my toenails. Busy night.”

Smokey goes to Sybil Kibble’s supervisor cube and interrupts her.

“Hey there, my lovely lady! How about coming to my baby shower tonight! It is for my granddaughter! There will be games!”

“No thanks, I am looking forward to my Alpo tonight.” Sybil logs on the phones.

Smokey walks over to Tara Bull’s manager suite.

“Hey Tara! You look great!”

“Go back to work, Smokey. Not interested.”

It is 5:00 PM. Smokey, her daughter and granddaughter are gathered in the break room, all decorated in yellow, pink and blue. Smokey is puffing away, wondering where her coworkers are.

“How many people did you invite?” Smokey’s daughter asks.

“The entire company.”

Two hours pass by. Nobody shows. Dale drives by CRASS and pulls in.

“Oh hey there my dapper Dale! You remembered!”

“Yeah, my watch. I cannot believe I left it at work.” Dale dons his watch and gets into his pickup truck, pulls out the parking lot and heads home.

“I cannot believe nobody showed” Smokey says as she fills the air with her stinky smoke.

“AAAAAAANT! AAAAAAANT!”

“What’s that?” Smokey’s grandaughter asks.

“That’s the fire alarm.”

The fire trucks’ sirens are heard in the background. Meanwhile the company sprinklers rain down on Smokey and her family.

Perhaps now Smokey will think twice before stinking up the place with her nasty, unfiltered smokes? Only time will tell.

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